scripts

warriors_titleSet in the turmoil of inner-city Liverpool in the late ’70’s – Liverpool FC have just won the League and the European Cup. Around this setting an under-14s street team; ‘The Walton Industrial Estate Warriors FC’, are kicked out of their local league for violence and misconduct. At the same time, a local branch of the Air Cadets find themselves in the fifth round of the ‘Air Training Corps Cup’. A plan is hatched between 17yr old cadet sergeant, ‘Winnie’ Churchill, and the Warriors manager; a middle-aged likeable idiot known as ‘Bus-Pass’, to recruit the team to play as mercenaries in the cup competition.

This is the story of the ‘Warriors’ cup run, as told by Joey, now forty two, who as a 13 yr old in 1977, wore the captains armband of ‘The Walton Industrial Estate Warriors F.C.’

Click on the icon above to read/download the full script (.pdf)

godis_title

A new writing project from Anvil Springstien:

EXCERPT:

‘I remember as an alter boy asking the priest; ‘Father, (how ironic is that! A sixty year old virgin in a frock and we call them ‘Father’)… and I’d say; ‘Father, why is it that God is hiding? What’s with all the secrecy? Don’t you think he’d maybe just once say ‘hello’? a phone call maybe? just once?’ And he’d reply in this beautiful wise old Irish brogue; ‘Oh, I don’t know, young Anvil, come over here and suck Fathers cock.’ Yeah, the only thing I believed as a kid was that that priest was gonna’ hit me, preach at me or get me to suck his cock. One of the three – The Holy Trinity we called it in the Alter Boy profession. Not so much touched by Jesus… as touched by the representatives of Jesus’.

Click on the icon above to read/download the full script (.pdf)

offthewall_title

A Sitcom: Briefly… It’s 155 ad. (or thereabouts…)

We are on the extremities of the Empire. The far flung reaches of the known universe. The very edge of civilisation.

But ‘We are Legion’ ‘We are many’ and, well, mostly We are Forgotten. We live in a small wooden fort on Hadrians Wall half way between Luguvalium… (the roman name for Carlisle) and Tooninium (the Roman name for Newcastle).

A small wooden fort called ‘Bobadobadinium’. 

We wear skirts… It’s fuckin’ freezing.

Click on the icon above to read/download the full script (.pdf)

girlfriends_title

Due to a major redevelopment, Royal Ascot has relocated to York for the next two years.

This gives four Geordie lasses the chance of a lifetime: Instead of nipping down the bookies for a fifty pence each way bet on some nag, it’s time to stretch the overdraft, cash the child benefit, put on that frock, hire a big hat and head off to York to meet the Queen.

Under surveillance from the outset by a crack team of Stealth Bailiffs, our girls are undeterred in their quest for a bit of the high life. Borrowing a chauffeurs uniform and employing the driving skills of one of their husbands, our four lifelong thirtysomething friends leave their hard gritty existence behind them as they embark on a ‘Ladies Day’ experience that may change their lives forever.

Click on the icon above to read/download the full script (.pdf)

wncnews_title

A chaotic description of a possible future seen through the eyes of a compulsive channel hopper using a small surgically implanted remote. Impressed? Don’t be… everyone’s got one. They’re boring – unless of course they go wrong. You’ll be okay though. Latest model this one; made by ‘Piece Of Mind Cerebral Implants’. It’s the market leader. Safest too.

On top of your telly is the ‘new’, free, ‘PEEPERS’ set-top-box. It’s the only way you can recieve the new free ‘PEEPERS’ channel. The free ‘PEEPERS’ channel has no programmes, so why have it? Well, built-in to the front of every new free ‘PEEPERS’ set-top-box is a small HD digital camera…

‘WNC News’ is a tongue in cheek satire reflecting the news, views and crazy aspirations of an island nation slicing its way into the millennium with a knife forged of lard.

Click on the icon above to read/download the full script (.pdf)

giggle-error

Currently being Re-Digitised.

Between 1993 & 1995 Anvil Springstien was employed as a satirical columnist for The Evening Gazette producing a weekly satirical column – just like wot the job description sed.

However, by 1996 Anvil had become so much a part of the Evening gazette ‘family’, they decided to sack him… you see, it just wasn’t part of the job description to ask for more money!

Anvil’s legal staff here at ‘Near the Knuckle’ HQ poured over the job description like treacle sauce over a plum duff on a hot day, and you know wot? The Evening gazette were RIGHT! … it just wasn’t part of the job description to ask for more money!

That said… Anvil enjoyed being part of the Gazette happy family and would like to share – for free- his old and ancient thoughts with you his public.

They’re all dated so if you’re old enough you can relive the week that was.

Click on the icon above to read/download the full script (.pdf)

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