Sweet Nothings

Posted: October 22, 2015 in Current Affairs, Humour, Politics
Tags: , , , ,

#ToryTown #JamieOliver #SugarTax

Sugar Tax dismissed by Tory government as it would affect poor fat people the most.

The British Conservative government – known colloquially in the UK as ‘The Workers Party’ – today hit out at a report claiming sugar is a major contribution to ill health and obesity costing the NHS over £5.1 billion per year.

Prime Minister David Cameron slammed celebrity chef, Jamie Oliver, as a ‘toff’ who would take away one of the few pleasures that poor fat people have left. “What people like Oliver don’t understand is that a tax on sugar would be a regressive tax that would hit poor fat people the hardest!”

Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, said, “Without sugar to keep poor people fat, they would look as ill and impoverished as they really are!” “Many would never get through their ‘Fit for Work’ examination without the rush that sugary foods provided”, he added.

A national health charity, The Food and Drink Federation, vowed to oppose any implementation of what they see as “an unfair and Stalinist-like tax”. “Do we really want to live in a society with sugarbanks on our street corners where poor fat people are treated like the scum that they are?”

Minister of State for Security, the Rt Hon John Hayes MP, expressed concern earlier that such a tax could force sugar sales underground exposing vulnerable poor fat people to the dark forces of radicalisation and Islamism.

Health representatives today refused to be interviewed although a doctor who declined to be named said, “We just thought this might be a good idea.” he said, timidly, adding “I had no idea what this tax would do to manufacturers of sports clothing? We just hadn’t thought this through, I feel thoroughly ashamed.

Anvil Springstien.

"Dear Mr Springstien...

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