Bizarre News Item of The Week

Posted: October 3, 2015 in Current Affairs, News, Stuff
Tags: ,
#ShitGate #NewYorkJets
Doing the ‘Math’
The New York Jets – who fly into London this morning for tomorrow’s Wembley Stadium clash with NFL opponents, Miami Dolphins – are to bring with them 350 toilet rolls following reports of bad British plumbing and “thin” loo-paper.
I can understand their apprehension as news of Osborne’s needless austerity measures spread across the pond, but I’ll admit to lacking somewhat in the comprehension department when it comes to the sheer numbers involved here.
Okay, let’s take a deep breath and take a lead from our American cousin’s and try and ‘do the math’:
On the pitch, an American football team (yes, that’s what they call it) has eleven players. On the road I might imagine taking perhaps ten substitutes for an away game. I envisage we can then add another five for team management and maybe a further five comprising medical and admin’.
Let’s be even more generous and throw in a masseur and two pole-dancers.
Together with the ‘Intern’ who ‘blew the gaff’ on our pathetic sanitary arrangements, that’s a total travelling contingent of thirty-five citizens of the most powerful nation on earth.
Continuing with our renown British generosity we can call today (fly-in) and Monday (fly-out) as whole days, so together with tomorrow’s match-day the entirety of the Yankee invasion will last three days.
Thirty-five people, three days, three hundred and fifty loo rolls.
That’s a personal loo-roll (PLR) allocation of ten rolls over three days or 3.33 rolls per-person-per-day.
If we were to be rather unkind and class today and Monday as ‘half days’, then the PLR allocation would rise to 5.0.
Just how much shit are these Americans expecting to get through?
I do hope they’ve considered bringing their own shovels. I’m sure their Intern will no-doubt have told them, ours are being used to bury our ‘Fit for Work‘ dead.
Anvil Springstien.

"Dear Mr Springstien...

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