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Sorry, had a tech-fart yesterday and couldn’t work out how the new WordPress editor worked when linking to Facebook – it doesn’t, at least not very well. Could be just old age on my part, of course?

Apologies to the people who ‘liked’ it on Facebook but were then deleted along with the photo – yes, it was me who deleted you – not the Caliphate Technical Department. Don’t worry, I think all their skills lean towards video production and photoshop workshops at the moment?

Mind you, credit where credit is due, they’ve done a great job on ‘Jihadi John’ – and that’s not just down to technical prowess, lighting, makeup etc.

A good management team is worth a million virgins as far as I’m concerned.

Believe me, I’ve been there.

Still, good management aside, John ought to be careful to not become a victim of his own success. He is huge now, granted. The Donny Osmond / John Bishop of his day. The Poster Boy of Islamism. How many young pre-pubescent Jihadi’s – male and female, swoon at the sight of those dark North London eyes. But to paraphrase John Lennon – where coincidentally he gets his stage name from; he’s now bigger than Allah – and here lies John’s problem… at some point someone in the Caliphate production hierarchy is going to start thinking ‘Idolatry‘ – and that’s not good. Certainly not for John’s career.

It’s hardly a new phenomena. Both Karl Marx and Max Weber warned us years ago regarding the dangers of the Cult of Personality, especially it’s tendency to divinisation under totalitarian States as they attempt to control the media. Just look at what happened to ‘Uncle Joe’. Yes, he may well become a victim of his own success.

If I were John I’d be feeling a little hot and sweaty around the collar.

Just saying.

Oh and apologies, John, for talking about you in the third person. Everyone says don’t read the reviews, – it’s the first rule of performance, but it’s also the first rule we break, isn’t it, John? I bet you wish you’d had a penny/shekel/insert Isis currency here/diram for every time you’ve Googled “Jihadi John

Don’t feel embarrassed, John, we’ve all done it.

Besides, fame is a fickle mistress. Cast your mind back to September 2013 and the victorious and strategic al Shabaat attack on the Kenyan Shopping Mall. British Muslim Samantha Lewthwaite – widow of 7/7 bomber Germaine Lindsey, apparently (if our media are to be believed) led and masterminded that glorious attack on unarmed shoppers and their small children. Headlines invoked an image of this ruthless ‘White Widow‘ – an altogether grander monicker than the comparatively bland ‘Jihadi John‘, I might add.

But where is she now, John? Not even chip-paper. Hell, even Seal Team Six get more column inches than the great martyr Bin Laden – and they’re supposed to be anonymous.

My advice would be to get out whilst the going is good – or at least start thinking about a future without fame – it could happen; It’s not just Samantha… look at Rolf Harris, or Keith Chegwin. What if this Caliphate thing doesn’t work out? What if the bubble bursts? What if the gigs stop coming in? Have you anything to fall back on? Can you do a bit of plumbing or painting & decorating? Are those presenting skills transferable?

I’m not thinking Blue Peter here, John – I think that option’s just about gone, to be honest – but I hear Teaching English as a Foreign Language is in big demand in the Middle East.

Sorry, I know, it’s hardly the bright lights… sorry, just a thought, John. I’d hate you to think I was trying to poo poo your success – there’s enough of that in the industry as it is. No, I merely want to point out the pitfalls of a fickle career choice where people rarely think about things like Equity membership or Personal Pension Plans.

Oh, yeah, also hope I haven’t popped any bubbles mentioning the stage name thing? It’s not illegal as long as you use your real name on your Self-Assessment form. Not too sure if the Inland Revenue will see a Jihadi Wife or two as income? I know you will, John, but will they? Let’s hope not, eh. Still, there’s lots of other stuff you can put off against your tax:

Knife; Knife sharpener; Ninja Pyjamas; Eyeliner etc’.

Don’t be late though, John. The buggers just done me for a hundred quid.

Twats!

Ps: Top Tax Tip: If you let them see your mouth on the videos you can claim for toothpaste!

Anvil Springstien.

 

Related:

Nice Day for a… White Widow.

The Golden Age of Islam.

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Nelson Mandela

Posted: December 6, 2013 in Current Affairs, Politics, Stuff
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“Poverty is not an accident, Like slavery and apartheid, it is man made and can be removed by the actions of human beings.”

Nelson Mandela

Nelson_Mandela

18 July 1918 – 5 December 2013

Upon his release the phones started ringing. People knocked on each others doors, grabbed coats, kids, food, musical instruments and alcohol, and headed for the city centre. Trickles of people became streams which became rivers. Before we got there the City Council had opened the Civic Hall. A couple of bands were setting up an impromptu stage. People were hugging one another. There was a conga… I recall a few people stood up and spoke some words. Some people were crying. There was a South African Anti-Apartheid Choir. I don’t remember much else? Just joy.

He made us believe we could change things.

Anvil Springstien.

Give us our Daley cred’.

File:Tom Daley London (cropped).jpgDear Tom,

Apparently, according to the British media who never seem to let the facts get in the way of a good story, you have been deluged with homophobic hate mail following your announcement on a You Tube video that you are in a relationship with a man, and in this relationship you are both very happy – I’ve seen the photos, by the way, Tom, he looks really nice. Dead sweet.

As the story broke I had a gander at twitter and watched the tweets unfold. For over forty minutes I scrolled through tweet after tweet as my computer struggled to play catch up with the feeding frenzy. Most, as I expected, were congratulatory. Lots of young females decried the obvious opportunity lost, and a host of young males expressed jealousy at your new partner.

There were many attempts at humour, too. Did you see them? The most popular repeating ad nauseam a joke regarding the second window of their Advent Calendar, “I opened it and guess what came out?”  I’ve really no idea? Please do tell me again.

The best of the best I can only paraphrase as, mid-laugh, the phone rang and real-life beckoned, but it resembled the following from a female fan: “Don’t worry Tom, I’ll still play rubby rub with your photos, and you’ll still make me squirt like a Clowns flower!” Brilliant. Superb. Did you see it?

Okay, it’s hardly Chaucer, or even J.K., but wouldn’t you just kill to have someone write that about you? Oh, sorry, someone did just write that about you – doh! Hey, little tip here: don’t show too many of them to the new lad -sometimes the envy gets so great I could kick a small child.

Anyway, in all the time I spent perusing the tweets I never came across one that was negative or abusive. It’s not that they don’t exist, Tom, I’m sure that they do, in fact various portals rushed to post collections of them, but we all know that these are from the stupid, the ill-educated, or the simply ill – and in the moving moral zeitgeist that is the UK these are the people who, sadly, do not count.

You, Tom, and your new partner, can quite rightly, ignore these folk.

There are, of course, people who you and your new partner cannot ignore.

People who will do their utmost to ensure that your happiness is short lived and that both you and your partner are treated unequally in your dealings with the state, the medical establishment, and the law.

These people, who have efficacy and power and are in positions of the most incredible privilege and wealth, are completely, utterly, totally, barking mad. They lay their claim to the right to end your happiness on the basis of being whispered to by an invisible man who lives in the sky.

I know, Tom, I know, completely, utterly, totally, barking mad.

Get this, he doesn’t like the pee-pee thing anywhere near the poo-poo thing. Drives him insane, apparently? There are other things about how to beat women and slaves, and kill kids, and something else about wearing different types of cloth, but the real biggie is the pee-pee thing near the poo-poo thing.

Seriously! It really is hard to Adam & Eve it, innit?

How on earth these people are allowed to get away with commenting on what goes on in other peoples bedrooms is quite frankly beyond me? Anyone else would be arrested, surely? But no… all they have to do is mention that the invisible geezer who lives in the sky is going off on one about the pee-pee thing and the poo-poo thing again, and instantly governments and the police fall over themselves to allow these nutters to do and say the most evil and nasty things about people they’ve never even met?

Completely, utterly, totally, barking mad.

Anyway, mate, for the most part they’re all old so they’ll be dead soon, but I just thought I’d drop you a line to give you a heads-up on that one.

Really proud about what you achieved at the Olympics, by the way. Big cred’ there, mate. Prouder still at what you’ve done over the last couple of days. Your Dad would’ve been, too.

Good luck with the new Beau, and Rio, oh, and welcome to the fray.

Anvil Springstien.

ps: Really great teeth, there, kid, too!

 

*Reading about Tom Daley reminded me about how much I had enjoyed the London 2012 Olympics. So much so, I scribbled down some memories of this surprisingly enjoyable sporting occasion – HERE

WIKI:

On Saturday 21 September 2013, unidentified gunmen attacked Westgate shopping mall, the most upscale mall in Nairobi,[4] Kenya. The attack resulted in at least 67 deaths, and more than 175 people were reportedly wounded in the mass shooting.

The extremist Islamic group al-Shabaab claimed responsibility for the incident (…)

In the midst of tragedy the press of Kenya and beyond, rather than seek to inform and explain, appear to make the most of the opportunity to maximise sales. “Star Gives Free Obituaries For Westgate Victims” bragged ‘The Star’ newspaper of Nairobi after asking “Was British Woman Among Terrorists?” “Did White Widow Die in Siege?” queried the British ‘Daily Mail’, whilst ‘The Australian’ informed us (hopefully somewhat tongue in cheek from the Subby?) that we were all on a “Global Hunt for ‘White Widow’”.

Samantha Lewthwaite from her school year book.

Not the terrorist-like smile used by ‘The People’ newspaper – but similar.

Searching for a decent strain of marijuana aside, the recent feeding frenzy surrounding the involvement, or otherwise, of British Muslim convert Samantha Lewthwaite – widow of 7/7 bomber Germaine Lindsey – in the Kenyan Westgate shopping mall massacre is pretty much par for the course, and is epitomised by the headline in the Kenyan daily, ‘The People’, which pondered, “Is This The Terror MASTERMIND?” featuring as evidence a large photo of Lewthwaite with a broad terrorist-like smile.

Still, I suppose it’s the job of tabloids and their ilk to scandalise and sensationalise regardless of the facts at hand, but I remain somewhat amused when as yet unevidenced claims generate wordage at an academic level providing a feedback loop of legitimacy to such sensationalism. Take this by Alexandra Phelan from the Global Terrorism Research Centre, Monash University, and printed in the much valued Aussie portal, The Conversation;

‘White Widow’, ‘Black Widow’: why do female terrorists perplex us?

The text below an accompanying graphic gives us the gist of the article:

“British woman Samantha Lewthwaite is suspected of being a ringleader in the Kenyan mall terror attacks. But why are we so surprised at the idea of a female terrorist?” 1

(link to full article below & here)

Nice article Alexandra… but wait, hold on? Are we perplexed or surprised at the idea of a female terrorist? Well, no, not really? Not at all, actually.  And why should we be? Some of our greatest heroes and villains throughout history were both female and ‘terrorist’ – the occupation of France springs instantly to mind, and the likes of Ulrike Meinhof and Boudica would, I’m sure, have had a word or two to say on the subject.

Women historically have been prepared to both fight and give up their lives in pursuit of numerous ideas ranging from equality to ideology, through to love and simple vengeance. Armed forces throughout the world now regularly employ women, not just as cooks, cleaners, and prostitutes, but as soldiers, sailors, and pilots on the front line. No, seriously, they do. Really. Truly. Honestly.

Women, when given the opportunity, appear to be able to do anything their male counterparts have historically claimed for themselves. They have successfully ran homes, business’s, charities, NGO’s, nation states and Empires. Some have discovered comets, whilst others have piloted space-ships into the realm of these comets. Some have even learnt to drive cars.

That they have done all this whilst engaging in the popular hobby of banging out billions upon billions upon billions of screaming, mewling, hungry, offspring comes as no surprise, not to myself, at least.

So, should we be surprised or perplexed at the idea of a female terrorist? No, we should not. We should not be surprised at the idea of a female anything. Well, almost anything. Read on:

What is surprising, indeed should be surprising – and this is the real story here – is the suggestion of a female ‘ringleader’ or ‘mastermind’ within the al Shabaab Islamist organisation. Let me re-phrase that to be clear, what is surprising is the suggestion of a female ‘ringleader’ or ‘mastermind’ in any Islamist organisation – terrorist or otherwise. Now there, surely, lies the surprise.

Let’s face it, it would be a bit of a first, wouldn’t it? Indeed one is tempted to inquire as to how exactly this ‘ringleader’ or ‘mastermind’ managed to break through the al Shabaab glass ceiling rather than being used as a mere disposable fire-and-forget explosive?

Did she pop down to HR screaming threats of litigation?

Perhaps al Shabaab have turned a new leaf in their understanding of the fairer sex and have now started to recite passages from The Female Eunuch alongside those of the Qur’an?

Perhaps al Shabaab, a clannish rather than multi-national set-up, have been influenced by the more nuanced al Qaeda and their western Fly-In-Fly-Out Jihadis with their well thumbed copies of ‘Men are from Mars…’?

Possibly, but somehow I doubt it. The ingrained, indeed necessary misogyny of an ideology unable to extract itself from the 7th century, even by its adherents in the most developed of economies, is one that wishes to see the likes of Lewthwaite remain indoors – unless covered and accompanied by a male member of her family.

I could be wrong of course and Lewthwaite’s body may well be found amongst those al Shabaab fighters still lying buried in a Kenyan mall. She may even be found holding an empty, still smoking AK 47 across her chest?

Without wishing to appear too morbid – even at the death of an alleged mass-murderer- it’s an image worth thinking about. It would certainly make a great shot, wouldn’t it? The poor and the misguided amongst Islamist youth would then have a tee-shirt to rival the image of Guevara. They could whisper her name in hushed reverence on street corners, ‘Samantha the Martyr’, they would say, and then relate stories of how she ‘masterminded’ the famous raid on, well, shoppers and their kids, and of how she died amidst a hail of bullets in the groceries & dried goods aisle, her ‘Akky’ blazing till the end.

The image is a propagandists dream, isn’t it? Well, no, not exactly. In fact it’s a bit of a nightmare, and here’s why;

The problem here, for al Shabaab and Islamist organisations generally, is that the new in-demand tee-shirt is hardly ‘on message’, is it?

What could be more off-message for Islamism than a powerful, organised, independent woman, unafraid to bark orders to her male Jihadi underlings. Hardly the iconic role model for the average Muslima in the coming Caliphate, is it?

Before you know it throngs of Islamist women will all be throwing hissy fits and running off to HR to complain about discrimination. Next they’ll want to sit at the front of the mosque and wear little white hats like the men instead of body bags. They’ll want to talk, too. Yes, talk. And organise. And ‘mastermind things’, and ‘ringleader things’, just like the boys do – just like Samantha did…

Phew, I can feel the sweat running down the very neck of Islamism as we speak. Don’t worry boys, for Islamist historians will no doubt ensure that Samantha’s ‘Akky’, this most potent of symbols, will be thoroughly air-brushed away, or at the very least miraculously transform itself into a ‘Dust-Pan & Brush’.

For Islam, the country, (as we say here in Australia) is no place for an Islamist feminist.

Best all round then that no body be found. Islamism can continue to bury its head in the sands of an earlier century, and the western press can continue to regale us with sensationalist stories of secret caves and hydraulic chairs and the stroking of white cats. No, hold on, the White Widow would surely have a black cat ? If only just for contrast, you understand.

Nice day for it.

‘Cue Navy Seal Team Six, you’re Oscar Mike’.

Anvil Springstien.

1 26 September 2013, 12.13pm AEST

‘White Widow’, ‘Black Widow’: why do female terrorists perplex us?:

Alexandra Phelan

Teaching Associate/PhD Candidate at Global Terrorism Research Centre at Monash University

https://theconversation.com/white-widow-black-widow-why-do-female-terrorists-perplex-us-18616