Posts Tagged ‘alternative news’

#ToryTown #TaxCreditCuts

This just in…

[Click to enlarge]


Anvil Springstien.

Original source:

#ToryTown #JamieOliver #SugarTax

Sugar Tax dismissed by Tory government as it would affect poor fat people the most.

The British Conservative government – known colloquially in the UK as ‘The Workers Party’ – today hit out at a report claiming sugar is a major contribution to ill health and obesity costing the NHS over £5.1 billion per year.

Prime Minister David Cameron slammed celebrity chef, Jamie Oliver, as a ‘toff’ who would take away one of the few pleasures that poor fat people have left. “What people like Oliver don’t understand is that a tax on sugar would be a regressive tax that would hit poor fat people the hardest!”

Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, said, “Without sugar to keep poor people fat, they would look as ill and impoverished as they really are!” “Many would never get through their ‘Fit for Work’ examination without the rush that sugary foods provided”, he added.

A national health charity, The Food and Drink Federation, vowed to oppose any implementation of what they see as “an unfair and Stalinist-like tax”. “Do we really want to live in a society with sugarbanks on our street corners where poor fat people are treated like the scum that they are?”

Minister of State for Security, the Rt Hon John Hayes MP, expressed concern earlier that such a tax could force sugar sales underground exposing vulnerable poor fat people to the dark forces of radicalisation and Islamism.

Health representatives today refused to be interviewed although a doctor who declined to be named said, “We just thought this might be a good idea.” he said, timidly, adding “I had no idea what this tax would do to manufacturers of sports clothing? We just hadn’t thought this through, I feel thoroughly ashamed.

Anvil Springstien.

#ToryTurkeys #TWATS

Breaking News – This Just In…

Tory ‘Turkey Farms’ to be up and running in time for Christmas says deputy chairman, Rob Halfon.

Tory Turkeys

Anvil Springstien.

Original News Article:



Kim Davis.
4 times married. 3 times divorcee.
Clerk, Rowan County, Kentucky.

Anvil Springstien.

Loosely Related: TwatShaming #1



Austerity Deterrence

Trident Replacement to cost £100 Billion.

It’s time to re-think our rethink on Defence!

Okay, here’s my plan: We get rid of these expensive American Missiles, and buy some of those cheap leaky ones off the Russians – everything’s for sale over there just now. Probably get a great deal off Putin’s Mafia; buy one get one free; no deposit; interest free credit; nothing to pay till July 2020 sort of thing. We may even get away with crowdfunding this cost? Then instead of putting our newly acquired cheap nukes on these incredibly expensive submarines, we get rid of the submarines, build the hospitals, employ 140,000 new doctors and nurses, build 1.5 million new homes and insulate 14 million more. The remaining billions we use to pay for tuition fees.

Then we stick the leaky nukes – I’m thinking stealth here, right, stealth – on the tops of double-decker buses – no-one would know where the fuck they were would they? Let’s face it, if the British can’t understand a British bus timetable, how the fuck d’yer expect Johnny Foreigner to?

Voila! The best defended Food-Banks in the world!

Oh, and hey, here’s the real genius behind what I’d now like to call ‘PTND’ (Public Transport Nuclear Deterrence); Just when those cities full of men women and children thought we weren’t going to bomb them – Boom! Boom! Boom! – three of four of the fuckers would come along one after the other. 

‘Hey George, look at the mess!’

Anvil Springstien.

A growing collection of NewsGrabs© from the current UK Leadership Election & based on the character assassination of leadership contender, Jeremy Corbyn:

1st September 2015

NEWSGRAB©: Breaking News – This just in…

‘I have become death, the destroyer of worlds’

#Trident @springstien


24 August 2015

NEWSGRAB©: Breaking News – This just in…

‘If You Lay Down With Dogs…’

‪#‎JezWeCan‬ @springstien


21 August 2015

NEWSGRAB©: Breaking News – This just in…

‘Corbyn ‘linked’ to War Criminals Shock’

‪#‎JezWeCan‬ @springstien


16 August 2015

NEWSGRAB©: Breaking News – This just in…

‘Brown to play King Canute. One Performance Only’

Supermarkets see rush on Popcorn & Beer.

‪#‎JezWeCan‬ @springstien


15 August 2015

NEWSGRAB©: Breaking News – This just in…

‘Manchester Sinkhole Blamed on Corbyn’s ‘Evil Thoughts”

‪#‎JezWeCan‬ @springstien

Corbyn Sinkhole1

14 August 2015

NEWSGRAB©: Breaking News – This just in…

‘Evil Jeremy Corbyn Took My Photo’

‪#‎JezWeCan‬ @springstien

Prince George1